Singaporeans: Ugly, Pretentious Pieces of Sh*t 

Singaporeans are incomprehensibly ugly, inside and out.

It's an extremely unfortunate combination of the disgustingly hot and humid climate and and the oppressive nature of the sh*thole's society.

First off, the heat and humidity make people sweat buckets all the time, and this leads to breakouts and bad, bad skin. Taking a shower's not going to f*cking help because you're going to end up perspiring like crazy 2 minutes later. The humidity drains you and exhausts you, leaving you in a horrible, horrible mood all the time. Physically being in the country is, in itself, torture.

It also doesn't help that the Singaporean government is rabidly obsessed with the construction of high-rise infrastructure, because this means that those f*ckers aren't going to stop building and building and building and as a result, ALL of the oppressive, wet, disgusting heat will be trapped on the island for all the lovely Singaporeans to bathe and revel in. But maybe that's what those sick f*cks want. We don't know.

It also goes without saying that Singaporean society is unbearably oppressive, where all kinds of snooty, subhuman rat-people scurry around and annoy and disgust you left, right, and centre. This, coupled with Singapore's "world-famous" education system, make Singaporeans look like a bunch of malformed gremlins that fell and smacked their "faces" (or whatever you call them) one too many times.

Every individual in this dumpster fire of a country is affected by this contagious, insidious ugliness in their own unfortunate way. Some people physically look crippled by the oppressive environment, with their faces breaking out like nobody's business, wearing disgusting, sloppy excuses for outfits, or shuffling around, backs hunched over, with bad hair and pastel-colored metal-framed glasses and a blank gaze that focuses on nothing but going home to do homework or play on the computer.

It's disgusting.

And speaking of blank gazes, there are two main kinds of this gaze in Singapore:

1. The rigid, robotic gaze that is perpetually glued to the buck-toothed, open-mouthed, mouth-breathing faces of Singaporean children, who only know how to study and go for extracurricular lessons and play on their iPhones and play on their computers

2. The empty, vacuous stare that always finds itself plastered over the faces of Singaporean teenage hipsters who think they look good on Instagram but are really just vapid, pretentious cultural handicaps that have no other way to express themselves. It scares the sh*t out of me

And this is exactly what happens when a country is boring, empty, and substanceless, and has nothing to offer the people that live in it. It's an extremely sad reality. For those who have to endure life in this unapologetically distasteful wasteland of a country, I'm so, so, so sorry.

When Singaporeans Go Overseas, Part II: No Class, No Sense, No Respect

These annoying critters really know how to drive me up the f*cking wall.

Especially the young ones.

When young Singaporeans, such as the typical university student, go overseas for a vacation or for an internship, they never ever fail to make themselves look like a bunch of f*cking idiots.

These young clowns in general have absolutely no respect for the countries that they visit, and only use these "exotic" places to boost their own image.

I've seen countless Instagram profiles whose users post pictures of themselves and their dumb friends in front of tourists attractions with dumb, vapid captions about how their adventures are so wonderful but also how they miss their stupid f*cked up country so god damn much.

I mean, SO many people are trapped in this sh*tty island and are DYING to get out, even if it's just for a moment, and you people have the f*cking nerve to say "OH OH OH THIS PLACE IS SO NICE BUT NOTHING IS BETTER THAN MY BEAUTIFUL HOMETOWN SINGAPORE OMG I MISS EATING HOKKIEN MEE AND IM SO GLAD IM COMING HOME SOON"

These assh*les barely appreciate the places that they visit and treat their vacations like they're huge image-boosting campaigns for their over-inflated egos, while there are SO many unfortunate souls back in Shitgapore who want a better life for themselves, who would actually be able to appreciate these other countries, and who should definitely be the ones leaving the sh*thole instead of these irreverent, disrepectful wastes of life.

A year or two ago, there was this Singaporean girl, Low Yu Min (go look up this ugly, disgusting excuse of a person), who went to Thailand with a bunch of her stupid friends. These pathetic lowlives stole from a clothing shop in Bangkok, were subsequently taken into custody, and when their mugshots were taken, smiled and horsed around as if the entire thing was a f*cking joke. These are the kinds of people who deserve to suffer in shame for the rest of their lives.

You can read about it here:

http://www.straitstimes.com/singapore/teen-girls-caught-shoplifting-in-bangkoks-platinum-mall-and-smiling-in-mugshots

It's seriously disgusting.

I hate Singaporeans.

For everyone who is suffering in Shitgapore right now and wants to leave, I completely empathize with you. Know that you are not alone, and that there are many others who feel the way you do. I hope you find a way to leave this cesspool of a country, and find happiness wherever you choose to go.

For those who have already left and made your lives in other places, good on you. Don't miss any opportunity to live your new life to the fullest, in spite of the stains of your past.

F*CK SHITGAPORE.

When Singaporeans Go Overseas: Sh*tsalad and Fake National Pride

When I go on a vacation to get away from this f*cked up piece of shit excuse of a country, the last, LAST, LAST thing I want to run into is a Singaporean, or worse, a group of Singaporeans.

I've heard Singaporeans say things like "WOW when u go overseas u can detect other SG ppl from a MILE away because the way we talk is so distinctive and singlish slang mother homeland camaraderie this country is so beautiful but i miss drinking milo and pigging out on char kway teow meow meow meow"

SHUT THE F*CK UP

I really do not understand what it is with Singaporeans that take so much pride in their country when they know that it really just sucks. It is completely beyond my comprehension as to why they would even identify as Singaporean especially when they're overseas, when #1 nobody cares, and #2 why the f*ck would you want to identify in that way??????

Even the word SINGAPORE sounds f*cking weird. Who the f*ck came up with this name???

Recently, I read an article by this high-flying ACS(I) girl who goes to Yale. She is apparently a writer for YaleDailyNews and wrote an article about Singlish and the Singaporean accent not being accepted in the US.

She basically talks about how an acquaintance told her "I'm not attracted to the Singaporean accent, no offence, it just doesn't turn me on", and then goes on to wax lyrical about how Singlish is the wondrous language of her beautiful Singaporean childhood and then starts blabbering about pink bougainvilleas and hawker centres and about how she was SO hurt and offended by what the acquaintance said

HELLO????? B*TCH, WHY ARE YOU EVEN SURPRISED????????????????

This no-brain bimbo actually tried to glorify Singlish!!!!! What the f*ck???????????

This is exactly what she wrote:

"An accent carries import. My accent is fleshy and meaty, a brew of Singapore’s four official languages. I chew on its English hard-toffee, on its Mandarin soya, on its Malay sambal twang, on its Tamil cumin. Sometimes it gets knotted around my tongue, language tangled in a fishnet. Sometimes, it makes a rough landing: What? Americans ask. What is this foreign thing?"

You know what this "foreign thing" is? You know what it is?

It's a hideous, disgusting frankenf*ck of a mother tongue that was made by people who took the WORST features from the languages you listed and mashed them together to form a cringey, discombobulated sh*tsalad MESS that delusional bimbos like you think is a source of national pride and identity for you and the rest of your mentally disabled country.

Just the other day I watched an Instagram story of a 20-year-old Singaporean male who went to Australia to study. He took a video of a girl dancing in a club, and when I turned up the volume, this is what I heard:

"WAH! WAH! U R a SOOPESTAH! SOOPESTAH!" (he meant to say "superstar")

In another one of this person's videos, he was at the gym with his friend.

"Daaaaammmm sick cunt bruh, sick cunt bruh, awright bruh"

And these people wonder why other people can't stand the way Singaporeans speak.

I mean, if you can pull off an accent of another country/culture well and actually sound convincing, good. Speak and present yourself in a way that makes you feel comfortable and what makes you feel yourself. Be authentic and true to who you are and you will be respected for that.

On the other hand, I just CANNOT stand it when these Singaporeans go overseas and #1 imitate a different accent BADLY just to temporarily fit in and THINK they're doing a good job, and #2 get all shocked, appalled, and offended when someone tells them that their accent isn't exactly the prettiest bauble on the Christmas tree.

You love your sh*tsalad accent because it's what you heard growing up, fine. Love it all you want. But honestly, how deep in your f*cking delusion do you have to be to actually say that it objectively sounds even remotely pleasant???????

Bitch who wrote the stupid pointless snowflake article, GO HOME. Gross, no-taste-no-sense, disgusting Instagram story guy, GO HOME.

F*CK OFF BACK to the overcrowded rancid sh*thole that you love so goddamn much, STAY THERE, speak ALL the sh*tsalad you want, and by all means, drink your F*CKING milo.

Singaporean Delusion: A Tragic Tale of Denial

When something/someone is f*cked up, it's bad, but it's still okay if people take notice of the f*ckery and try their best to change it.

The problem with the steaming sh*t pile that is Singapore is that the Singaporeans themselves don't seem to think that they have a problem. Singapore is f*cked up in almost every conceivable way, but the locals somehow always try to deceive themselves into thinking that they live in a wonderful country.

WHY??????????

I've come to the conclusion that these Singaporeans are either completely oblivious to their living environment and have the perceptive ability of a f*cking chair, or are so far in deluded denial that they just don't want to even admit to knowing that they exist in a backward cow dung dump.

This blind love for the cesspool is everywhere.

It is indoctrinated into the non-functioning minds of Singaporeans from when they're young, when they're forced to sing the national anthem and to recite the pledge every day, when they're brainwashed into thinking that Singapore is a first-world utopia. Many carry on into adulthood without thinking and without questioning. It's sickening.

Singaporeans get unduly indignant when people criticize their country because they know exactly how messed up their country is, but instead turn their sad acknowledgement (or denial, I don't know which it is) into anger for the one who's speaking the truth.

Now let's talk about the 'future' of Singapore and their form of delusion. The young people.

They are insecure, they are substanceless, and they hate it when their friends try to improve themselves. Let's look at this example:

When young Singaporeans (especially the university kids)  go on exchange in other countries, and come back with a different worldview or outlook on life, or more tangibly, a different accent, their Singaporean peers get so incredibly disgusted and angry it's insane. It's like getting extremely pissed at your friend because they decided to change their hairstyle.

There are two things that one can learn from this. Young Singaporeans are so empty and so devoid of substance and culture that they constantly have to look elsewhere for an identity. This is an extremely sad thing, and sometimes I actually genuinely feel bad for them. But I stop feeling bad when their friends get uncomfortable and start tearing them down for wanting an identity.

For reference, let's call the Singaporeans who want an identity the Wanting Singaporeans, and the Singaporeans who get angry the Denial Singaporeans.

These Wanting Singaporeans, I admit, should be commended for actually working to get an identity for themselves, although they may be called "pretentious" and "fake" (and actually, most of the time, they are pretentious and fake), because they're actually trying.

The Denial Singaporeans who get angry at the Wantings actually want an identity as much as the Wantings do. They're either too lazy to work for an identity or just don't have the guts to do it. The most infuriating thing, however, is that these Denial Singaporeans are always, always appropriating other cultures and their characteristics, and at the same time, crucifying their Wanting friends for actually going out and incorporating these things into their identity.

These Denials will go on Instagram and caption their posts with foreign lingo and boast about how the foie gras wagyu beef bowl (that has already featured at least 6 times on their social media) wasn't as satisfying as the previous time and "needs more salt", and then turn around and bash the Wantings who never solicited their opinions in the first place. And then everyone ends up being sad and bitter and marinate in their pot of self-loathing.

And then when the ego of their country is attacked, they'll get all defensive and act like they were proud of being Singaporean in the first place.

Give me a f*cking break.

Singapore — The Asscrack of the World

Singapore disgusts me on a personal, visceral level.

Every time I think of it, every part of my body gets nauseous and I bite my lip and roll my eyes into the back of my head.

There is literally nothing else that is capable of stirring within me such revulsion and distaste.

Let's start with its geography.

It's depressing. It's so flat, and so f*cking boring. It is far too small and has some of the most pathetic, polluted beaches in the world. Oil in the water, trash on the sand. Despite all the sunshine in Singapore, the skies are a weird, confused shade of grayish-blue and the way the light hits the Singaporean environment just makes everything look bad. It's like fluorescent light — it reveals every single flaw and just makes everything look ugly. Even the green stuff in Singapore looks ugly. Ugly grass, ugly trees, ugly soil. Ugly, ugly everything.

On top of that, the architecture and the street systems are individual uglies in their own right. They, and the messed up geography, come together to form a weird, malformed frankenf*ck of I-don't-even-know-what-the-f*ck-to-call-it.

Let's move on to the weather. The revolting weather. There are few things more taxing and infuriating than the heat and humidity and stickiness and sweatiness and stuffiness that you literally cannot experience anywhere else in the world (thank God). No matter what Singapore builds, things will always be destroyed by the disgusting climate.

This brings me to my next point about how people think Singapore should be a role model in terms of cleanliness and hygiene. I don't know how the f*ck people could ever pass that judgement. There might not be a lot of trash lying around but the MOLD, the MOLD that grows everywhere because of the humidity just ruins EVERYTHING. Everything's either sticky or slippery or slimy. It's nasty.

Singapore is also a smelly cesspool. Every single bad smell is amplified to hell because of the heat and humidity. It doesn't help that everyone sweats like sh*t. And God help you if the garbage truck crosses your path.

Now, let's talk about the most disgusting part of Singapore. The centerpiece of this rant, and some of the grossest things that you could ever come across: Singaporeans.

Singaporeans are the vilest, foulest creatures that I, personally, have ever encountered. They are insecure, distasteful pieces of sh*t. They have no style, they have no flair, they have no originality. Always looking for validation, always expressing themselves in the most distasteful manner. No beauty, no authenticity, no sense.

The thing about Singaporeans — however — that actually makes me want to puke my body inside out is the way they sound. It doesn't matter what language they're speaking, and it doesn't matter what kind of English they're speaking. They could be speaking Singlish, and they could be speaking proper, standard English, but it doesn't matter. No matter what they speak, they always sound like something that exploded out of a sick rhino's ass. This is, in my opinion, what is ruining (or has already ruined) the country. The saddest part is that it will never change. Poor Singaporeans. Look bad, sound bad, smell bad. What the f*ck

I'm not gonna talk about the government or the education system because I don't need to repeat what everybody already knows. Poor citizens, poor kids, poor everyone. Rigid, boxed-up little mouse-people with no guts and no voice. Uncharismatic, uninspired, uninspiring.

I honestly don't know what the f*ck Singaporeans are so proud of on their national day, because what in the blue hell are they screaming about??? A little fishing village turned into a big phony clusterf*ck is something to be celebrated????? Are you kidding????????

Singapore is fake. Fake, phony, artificial, no realness, no genuineness, no nothing. Fake buildings, fake culture, fake people with both colonial and crab mentalities. Everything in Singapore is a bad copy of something else. Desperate and disgusting. Tasteless and tragic. There is literally no hope for this place.

Singapore is irreparably messed up on every single level, in every single sector, in every single social group. Never in my life have I seen a country this f*cking gross and never would I ever wish for anyone to be born in it. May this f*cked up country and its f*cked up people crumble to the ground.